The Lazy Cherub Enigma: There is no Such thing as Too Much Blue Tile!

Monday 22 September 2014

There is no Such thing as Too Much Blue Tile!

Here I am. Another café at another Silk Road oasis. Not here for the coffee as it is shit instant but there is Wi-Fi and that gives me a chance to touch base before we cross another border into Turkmenistan. I am brooding today because tomorrow means the end of civilization and back into silk roading proper. No yurts (sadly). Just musty tents and l-o-n-g drives into nowhere. I am coming to realize that travelling the silk road means lots of days of extremely monotonous truck drives punctuated by the occasional respite in a place with running water (and the occasional latte). I know there are worse things to complain about. I am here. I am alive. I don’t have to worry about bandits or lice (yet…) But God Dam it!! I WANT AIR CONDITIONING AND COFFEE!!!

Uzbekistan has been eye opening. It is here that one really gets the feel you are on the Silk Road. Lots of blue tile and Arabic influence. And lots of cotton fields. Cotton is a contentious issue here. It is the reason the Aral Sea is pretty much destroyed (having all its tributaries diverted for this crop) and has resulted in universal “conscripted” labor of everyone to pick it each fall. Conscripted is a polite way of describing it. It is, in fact, slave labor. The county is too poor to pick cotton using machine and too set in its ways to stop producing it. Farmers don’t want to grow it but the state mandates that they do. We have no idea where the cotton actually goes as in no Western Country buys it due to the human and environmental concerns and we can’t ask our guide about it since questions like that could have him “disappear”…

A few other fun Uzbekistan facts: The president is pretty “out there.” He is the country’s only president – having won every election by 95% or more since he came to power in the 90’s (read into that what you want). He likes cotton and boiling dissidents alive. He had his own daughter arrested and she is on a hunger strike. It’s not looking optimistic as far as fatherly concern goes. Despite the totalitarian government everyone is extremely friendly, kind and there is no tourist hassle whatsoever. The currency however, is insane. The highest denomination is 1000 Som, which is the equivalent of 30 cents CDN. Your average meal out will cost you 15,000 Som (or around $5). No one carries a wallet. Everyone carries a “bag.” Buying a coke here is like buying coke – you hand over a brick of cash.

Our first Silk Road stop here is Samarkand – the Atlantis of Central Asia. It is the oldest settlement on the Silk Road and was the favorite of Alexander the Great who said “Everything I heard about Marakanda (Samarkand) is trues; except it is more beautiful that I ever imagined.” The Registan is awe inspiring in both grandeur and size. I am partial to Ulugbeg’s Observatory built in the early 14^th century. He had astronomy figured out before Galileo was even conceived – AND he supported women getting equal education.

I would love to write more about Samarkand but we only managed a half-day of site seeing before we were consumed with heat (Ken came back to the room at 2 pm for a “rest” and passed out until 9 pm!). Plus, I am in another hotel room that smells like ass sweat and dead bodies and I have another stomach bug. I need to try and get a shower but I have almost no water and what I do have is cold and is so mineral laden that its like bathing in the Dead Sea but with zero health benefits. Tomorrow morning we cross the boarder into Turkmenistan for a fun filled week in the Karakum Desert. Look it up. Back in the day it was the shittiest, deadliest point of the Silk Road. Fun times ahead. I don’t foresee any iced lattes in the near future…