The Lazy Cherub Enigma: Batumi Beach Blanket Bingo!

I am now at the point in the journey where writing anything remotely profound is becoming a struggle. It has been 12 weeks since I have had organic crunchy peanut butter and far too long since I have had a real bath. I feel protein deprived and slightly malodorous. I stopped shaving my legs and arm pits once we left China because shorts aren’t exactly “kosher wear” on the silk road and, quite frankly, I feel it adds to my “holier than thou feminist” presence on the truck. I would have burned a bra or two at a campfire but I think that would have been the definite tipping point for reinstating witch burning as a legitimate overland pastime.

So back to the shaving…

I did end up having to break out the razor and patchouli soap because our next stop was Batumi, the premiere Georgian Black Sea resort town that is just a hop, skip and a jump from Sochi and right on the border of Turkey. I need to get back to this place in the summer when it is hopping like Penticton during Peach Festival. October is great if you want the entire boardwalk to yourself and you want to be the only one at a coffee shop. Well to be fair, we weren’t the only ones in town. The USS Mt. Whitney was in port so I had to share the promenade with sailors and Filipino cruise ship personnel. Yep – living the dream! We missed the annual “Batumipalooza” (its in August). The line up was retro impressive – Boney M, Ace of Base, 2 Live Crew and, wait for it… KENNY G!! Interspersed with these headliners were a bunch of EuroVision one hit wonders and some Georgian/Russian techno hybids that promised to “dance you into hereafter and back again.” I bet the jello shots were flowing on the beach that weekend. Highlight for us was the dancing fountains that make the Bellagio look like something a small child created with nails and a garden hose. From 9 pm until midnight this wonderland of lights and hydro-choreography performs to such musical numbers as The Theme from Mission Impossible, The Soundtrack to Lord of the Rings, an assortment of Broadway show tunes and then – the piece de resistance – DONNER SUMMER’S HOT STUFF!! So there we were– me, Ken, a security guard and two gay sailors dancing ourselves to the hereafter and back on the boulevard in Batumi. You have to wonder what this would have been like during peak season when Putin stops by…

Batumi - BTW - boasts the most space age awesome McDonalds on the planet. Check it out here:

http://www.geek.com/news/the-mcdonalds-of-the-future-is-here-well-in-georgia-today-1554825/#gallery=0/mcdonalds-batumi-georgia5

Make sure you scroll through the photos. This is your new one stop shop for burgers, petrol and sailors!

A few days later we crossed the border into Turkey. A border crossing so uneventful and simple that it is only worth mentioning because it now means we have reached our final country on the silk road. It also means we have actual toilets when we do a toilet stop and the cost of everything just went up by 400%. Gone are the days of $5 meals (and those were splurges!). Major upshot though is getting tea for free at every gas station - much appreciated since the temperature has dropped rapidly these last few weeks. Our first stop in Turkey was the Sumela Monastery which “overlooks forests and streams, making it extremely popular for its aesthetic attraction as well as for its cultural and religious significance.” Nice hike up with great views at the top. Also ran into my “Drago Peeps” while there which is always good for a laugh. They have an older Belgian lady on their trip who always cracks me up with her blunt honesty. We ran into her as we were walking back down and she asked, “Is this another one of those dam monasteries carved into rock? There is only so much destroyed religious heritage a person can take on a trip!”

And finally, you have probably gathered that my/our mood has changed somewhat over the last few entries. That’s because we have been doing the no more camping happy dance!! This means I will no longer be bitched out for not lighting a camp stove properly or boiling water fast enough. It still means I have to endure the back handed comments about how I should be the one who has to clean out the cooler that now smells like a dead corpse. Because when you overland, it’s not about who is actually assigned a task, its about who someone else assigns that task to and, of course, their rules on how it should be done.

(Oh I almost forgot! Before we got to Batumi we made a stop at the Prometheus Caves. Impressive! Almost as impressive as ATM in Belize - almost. I still have to give ATM top billing because you have to swim in and actually "cave" to do it but Prometheus does not disappoint. Especially when the tour guide forgets you are still in there and turns all the lights off. You ever tried to find your way out of a cave using your Android as a light source? Trust me - you don't want to. There is not enough Donna Summer or Ativan in the world to recover from that experience.)

*I just realized that i wrote "Donner Summer" instead of Donna Summer. But you know what? I am leaving it as it. Because it wouldn't surprise me at all if this trip ended with us trapped in the mountains having to eat each other while listening to 70's disco music. I need almond butter STAT!