The Lazy Cherub Enigma: Sunshine and Sore Feet

It is always a relief when you reach a turning point. The proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. No – we didn’t inadvertently walk into a railway tunnel (again). We crossed over (so to speak) from Cumbria to Yorkshire. In other words, we bid the rain farewell and said hello to the sun. Hallelujah. Life is infinitely better when you no longer have wet feet.

Day 9 – Keld to Reeth – 23.1 km

Growing up I had two careers in mind – fireman or veterinarian. I have absolutely no idea how, at the age of 7, fireman became an occupational consideration. But I do remember why veterinarian came to be – James Herriot’s All Creatures Great and Small. I challenge anyone who has read the books or seen the series to not want to heal large livestock in fields of green. If that didn’t put you over the edge into large animal husbandry then being here will. The journey from Keld to Reeth puts you right in the epicenter of James Herriot’s memoirs – with a little Tour de France thrown in. When I imagined what the Wainwright Coast to Coast “would” be like it was this – undulating green pastures, gurgling streams, shaded woodlands etc. All this would be dotted with pubs run by ornery dwarves and teahouses owned by elves. Fairies would sell cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles out of little caravans pulled by unicorns. Everyone would be wearing tweed and own at least 6 yorkies. Today’s walk came pretty damn close to giving me all that. We awoke to a glorious sunrise beaming into our bedroom window. After a breakfast of kippers and poached eggs it was time to lace up and bask in the glory of all that is not rain soaked and wind battered. Taking the low route we reached the cross roads of the Pennine Way and the Coast-to-Coast. This is where Wainwright flipped the Pennine Way the bird and said, “No peat bogs for me! I am off to Muker for lattes, scones and to mingle with elite road cyclists!” (Ok – maybe I am making up the bit where AW wants a latte…) Muker is a tiny little village with a teashop, a wool shop and a church with the Ten Commandments carved into its walls. We had the most amazing lattes served in wedgewood china cups surrounded by sweaty road warriors. It was pretty obvious from the amount of Lycra on display that serving anything less than real espresso would result in a village lynching. Then it was a delicious saunter through the valley checking out riparian wildlife and trying not to break a leg or ankle navigating the stiles. These are very narrow gaps between rock walls for humans to pass through (theoretically…reality is much, much different) You have to climb up and over and pray to god your backpack or upper thigh doesn’t get caught because then you are in the Aaron Ralston Wainright Experience and that just takes the walk to a WHOLE new level of intensity. Ken was a bit gleeful about this since 1) it proved to him how slim, trim and agile he was and 2) with their full camping packs on, this meant a serious loss in lead-time for Team Holland. Coming into Reeth we were greeted by a plethora of dogs out with their humans for good times in the fields. We met a couple from Whitby – The Doves – who are both 90 and still walking (says a lot about the Wainwright…read into that what you will.) They invited us for tea when we are done as we pass their way heading to the Farne Islands. If I haven’t had to gnaw my leg off from a stile mishap I plan to take up their offer.

Day 10 – Reeth to Richmond – 18.8 km

A few words about Reeth: It is the capital of Swaledale and was used as the location for the TV series “All Creatures Great and Small.” It was also one of the villages the Tour de France passed through in 2014. This explains the abnormal amount of white with red polka dot décor on buildings as well as yellow bicycles welded to sign posts and roof tops. There is also a very grand and ostentatious hotel, which we did not stay in or eat at. Instead, we stayed at the Buck Inn across the road where a meal is one one hundredth of the price and dinner dress is not enforced. Now it is off to Richmond! Again we had amazing weather and vistas. We continue to be astonished at the farm animals we see. They genuinely like to have people around and to be honest, we don’t think they are under the influence of any human domination. For one, we never actually see a person on these idyllic farms and two, these animals look and act far too happy to be future food or labor. So perhaps Swaledale has been colonized by sentient farm animals that build annoying stiles to keep humans in check… If the stiles don’t get you then the 375 “Nun Steps’ from Marrick Priory will. This is about as idyllic and spiritual as you can get – 600 yr. old stone steps laid out in a forest taking you up into the heavens (top of a swale but close enough.) Other than the intense machine gun fire and low fighter jet fly overs it was all very serene. Along the way we met a troop of soldiers who just sort of appeared out of no where in full combat gear and a group of very eccentric British walkers who had even less of a clue what they were doing than we did. To be honest, any time you meet an actual Brit on these walks it goes without saying they are eccentric. I don’t think they allow locals access to the trail unless they score high on the Asperger’s scale. We crested the hill into Richmond just as Team Holland was pulling up from the rear (they claim they beat us but WHO TOUCHED THE SIGN FIRST?!?! ) I was going flat out because our guidebook said there were two places in town that served lattes and I was going to hit both even if I broke a leg on a stile and had to crawl my way there. Richmond is an actual town – population of 8000+ - and has a lot of steep cobble stone streets – perfect for cyclists and walkers with bad knees. Many we had met on the walk were taking a rest day here. Team Holland quit here (they said something about having to get home and go to work but I am deluding myself into thinking I intimidated them with my deft tortoise racing skills.) We did not have a rest day because we were over confident in what our legs could accomplish and completely unaware that “The Mikado” was playing at the restored Georgia Theatre. So there was no foot massage or riotous Gilbert and Sullivan to soothe my aching bones.

Day 11 – Richmond to Danby Wiske – 23.8 km

Another fine day weather wise but not so much walking wise. After a gentle meander through the forests leaving Richmond it was time to pound the pavement and navigate the canola fields. Wainwright considered this section of the walk to be the dullest and for the most part, he is right. The upshot is that it is all flat. Around half way, you get to a Bolton-on –Swale - a small hamlet with a church that has treats! You’ve got to love an old church that does pet services (as in, on Sundays at 11 am you can come to service WITH YOUR PET – and yes that includes spiders.) It also has the grave of a certain Henry Jenkins who according to his head stone, lived to the ripe old age of 169. Inside the church was a table with snacks, a kettle to make tea or coffee and a small fridge stocked with cold drinks. Beside that was a large world map and a box of pins for you to stick in the place you are from. There is no one around except two red squirrels. I am happy to report I did not burst into flames as I partook in the holy refreshments. Then it was off to Danby Wiske and the White Swan – Wainwright's’ “Favorite” inn. I say favorite because Wainwright actually though Danby Wiske was a bit of a s***hole and they have been trying to live that down ever since. It is a funny little place. Only around 40 people live here and every year they do a “class photo” on the green outside the White Swan. There is also a large orange cat that lives at the inn who figures prominently in watercolors done by local residents. The White Swan also has the most ales on tap I have ever seen. They seem to have shed the Wainwright curse in that they have won three years running “Best Ale House in the Dales.” Despite having an abnormally well stocked supply shelf, I did not see any Orc killing knives or magic potions to ward off sore feet. I did spy dorritos. I wonder if there is any Mountain Dew....