The Lazy Cherub Enigma: It's All Downhill (and a lot of Uphill) from here

So... as you may have guessed I am behind in blog posts. Thing is, walking 8 or 9 hrs a day is tiring!! My life for the past 10 days has been walk, sleep, walk, sleep. We've also had some wild adventures that I will get to in the next post. But then again, would you expect anything less from me? ;-)

June 3, 2016

Rest Day in Bude

So not much to report on Bude. It is a nice place to have a day off from walking and for Ken to hit the shops looking for replacement underpants. He eventfully found a pair at a local running store that cost way more than a pair of underwear ever should. They are some new space age seamless athletic design for no chafing and sweat wicking. Apparently, all the guys who run the London Marathon swear by them. All except one guy who posted a Google review of 3 stars. He said that at 50, he needed more “support” from his Runderroos. So now Ken has buyer’s remorse and I have to keep reminding him that this is not a marathon – this is a meditative walking experience - so the only support he needs is for his arches and his Third Eye opening.

We stayed with a guy named Steve (Airbnb) and had a great time. His dad was visiting and they were both hilarious. He gave us the bedroom with the jetted tub which, yes, I lived in for two days. A few years ago Steve also hosted a documentary team who were filming a British Special Forces guy trying to run the entire SWCP in 10 days (this same guy also re-created Shackleton’s row boat journey from Elephant Island to South Georgian Island using the same gear as Shackleton). Anyway, he did make it with the Shackleton re-creation but he blew out his knee on day 5 of the run. Not sure what this means for us as he dropped out on the stage we have to do tomorrow. But Ken does have his high tech running panties so that should give us an advantage.

June 4, 2016

Bude to Crackington Haven

19.13 km

28,187 steps

The first half of this stage is fairly benign. About 7 km in you get to Widemouth Bay, which has a nice beachside café for coffee. We made a stop and soon after, the sea mist started rolling in and the day become grey and humid. The last half is a lot of climbing and going back down again. Then more climbing. Then more going back down. The kind of stuff my nail-less toes love.

Along the way we met another couple doing the trail in the opposite direction – Dave (retired Royal Marine) and his wife Carol. They were running the trail in short shorts looking pretty damn fit and glamorous. Dave probably had special issue military Runderroos that gave him an advantage on the climbs. Anyway, they had their camper van parked at Crackington Haven and told us to come by for tea. We got into Crackington Haven and did in fact find the van and had a nice tea break with new friends. Afterwards, Dave and Carol offered to drive us to our B & B which was great because according to Google Maps, it was otherwise a 30-minute road walk. We stayed at Hannah’s Cottage – a small working farm owned by Stephen and his partner Jonathan. There was even a campsite down the lane for Dave and Carol! The cottage was Martha Steward fabulous. We got tea and chocolate cake when we arrived. Then I completely flooded the new bathroom spraying the showerhead everywhere. In the morning Stephen made us a HUGE breakfast with Mario Lanza playing in the background. It was just like being in Cape Cod for the Tennesse Williams Festival all over again.

June 5, 2015

Crackington Haven to Tintagel

21.75 km

34,325 steps

We caught a lift with Dave and Carol back to the start point in Crackington Haven. They would walk with us to Boscastle and then catch the bus back to their van while we “soldiered on” to Tintagel. It was overcast and humid with more ups and downs to test the knees and de-nail the toes. At Boscastle, we stopped and had lunch together while some random guy belted out Scottish folk tunes to raise money for veterans. At one point, he started singing “The Wheels on the Bus go round and round” like he was Glen Daly.

Boscastle’s two claims to fame (not withstanding the fundraising Scottish Bard) is the Witch museum and the flood of 2004. We didn’t go to the museum but you can see a video on the flood in the info center. I’d recommend Googling it on YouTube because it is quite an impressive feat of nature. The torrential rain led to a 2 m (7 ft.) rise in river levels in one hour. A 3 m (10 ft.) wave, believed to have been triggered by water pooling behind debris under a bridge suddenly gave way and surged down the valley into the town. It was like a Tsunami.

From Boscastle it is on to Tintagel. It was really humid by now with zero breeze. Basically the next 4 hours sucked. As you come to the end of the walk you see the cliffs of Tintagel Castle – the ruins of which are supposed to be the birthplace of King Arthur. In fact, the entire village is one massive homage to King Arthur and Merlin. It’s kind of Spamalot meets the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism). By the time we got in, all the tourist re-enactments were closed but we got our fill at the King Arthur Arms where burly men in chainmail and Celtic war paint played pool and checked their iPhones for messages.

June 6, 2016

Tintagel to Port Isaac

18.63 km

29,297 km

Ugh. Just when you think the worse bits are over you realize they are not. Trailblazers describe this section as “the most challenging leg of the whole walk. The trail itself is well trodden but the never ending series of ascents and descents may have the weak willed swearing to hang up their boots.”

So I think I just sort of blacked out at this point because I can’t remember how we made it from Tintagel to Port Isaac.

I do remember as we began the walk at the Merlin Caves that suddenly Dave and Carol popped out! God damn. Those two are not just epic runners they are also wizards!

At some point we did make it into Port Isaac and found ourselves in front of a hotel with the biggest Great Dane I have ever seen. This dog was mutant size. The owner invited us up to visit him. This dog weighs 165 lbs. His head is the size of a small car. On the veranda are two equally large life like statues of the same dog. Ken goes over to them and says to the “live” dog “These look just like you! I bet one of these is your ancestor.” To which the owner in all his very British seriousness replies “Yes they are. The one you are leaning on right now his great grandfather Sir Sachamo Lead Belly Manchester James Brown III. I commissioned that statue to intern his ashes.”

Awkward….

Our lodgings for the night were at Lane End Farm with Nab and Linda. What a great place!! I am so sad they are retiring the B & B this year because these two are the best B & B proprietors I’ve ever met. They are both so funny and can’t do enough to make your stay comfortable. Linda even made me fresh haddock and poached eggs for breakfast. Yes, fresh. If you give her 24 hrs. notice she gets it from the fisherman at the docks. She’s the type of woman you know takes zero shit from any man but has the heart of an angel. I mean, this is a place that has a “ladies cupboard” filled with feminine hygiene products, hot water bottles, chocolate covered digestives cookies and Midol. She and Nab have been married 42 years and Nab say they are still newlyweds (gush!).

Port Isaac is famous as the setting for the British series “Doc Martin.” I have never seen it so I cannot tell you anything remarkable about it. What I will say is that the village at the harbor is really nice and I wish we had more time to hang out there and people watch over coffee and gossip with Nab.

June 7, 2016

Port Isaac to Padstow

21.48 km

34,182 steps

“If medals were given out for the toughest section of the SWCP then the initial 3 miles of this winding 12 mile stage would certainly stand on the podium.”

Jesus F Christ.

ENOUGH WITH THE REPETIVE CLIMBING AND ASCENDING ALREADY!!

So the good news is this is really, really supposed to be the last of the SWCP death marches. This better be for real, this time, because I do not have enough toenails to sacrifice to the SWCP God to get me through another stage. My knees are organizing a revolt and are forming a union, which means they will demand a lot more break time than Ken is currently allowing. I fear a crippling strike is imminent.

About all I can remember for this stage are being hot and sticky, sweating a lot, climbing a lot and then having to walk stinking to high heaven on a beach for 2 hours. Sand is not your friend when you are on the SWCP.

The torture ends at Rock where you catch a ferry over to Padstow for the night. Padstow is fondly referred to as “Padstein” in deference to Rick Stein. Until now we had no idea who he was but he is THE GUY when it comes to Michelin star food cuisine in England. He has had a cooking/travel series on TV for the last 7 yrs., has nine dining establishments and a cooking school devoted to seafood in Padstow. So here we are in a foodie’s paradise and didn’t even know it! We thought about dinner at one of his seafood places but they are closed Mondays and Tuesdays. That and the $230 CDN per person price tag for a dinner sitting nixed the idea. And all I have to wear is an Edward Sharpe concert T-shirt and a pair of lyrca shorts so takeaway Chinese it is!

June 8, 2016

Padstow to Porthcothan

24.62 km

36,207 steps

If you haven’t already guessed it, I am pretty tired at the end of the day so this section of the walk will only contain relevant highlights and some bitching and moaning.

As mentioned previously, the grinding ups and downs of the SWCP are behind us now so the walk is more humane. My bald toes are grateful.

We spent the night in Porthcothan at the Penlan B & B. When we arrived, there was a large German Shepard lying under a shrub in the front yard. He looked like he was dead. Seriously. We got to the front door there was a sign that said “BEWARE OF GUARD DOG.” The proprietor (Mary) greets us and Ken makes a joke about the “guard dog sleeping on duty.” Mary freaks out and pushes past us yelling “SKYE SKYE” and proceeds to shake the dead dog violently under the shrubs. Skye suddenly leaps to his feet dazed and confused and starts barking wildly while looking around at what exactly or why he has been aroused from his nap. Afterwards Mary tells us that 3 months ago Skye began to have seizures. They have since learned he has a brain tumor. Since Skye is already 12 years old they are just focusing on palliative care for him. Ken is batting 0 for 0 in the dog joke arena. He made up for it when the Swedish woman who was staying next door came into our room in a towel asking Ken if he could help her turn on her shower. Apparently he is much better working out the hot water system than he is with dry canine humor. We had dinner up the hill at some shitty pub where Ken complained about the sun being in his eyes and I whacked moles in the arcade.

(I would like to take this opportunity to give a big shout out to another fabulous "couple" we met on the trail - Mick and John. They were "racing" us for the first week of the SWCP and then they bailed. Something about the SWCP not being manly and rugged enough for them so they blew us off to go hike the Welsh Coast. Good luck boys! Hold on to your knickers :-)

Another day at the beach

When you give your dog raw meat and steroids...

Hey! Who wants to ride the giant sling shot 20 times?

Bude - Land of the hipster life guards. I so wanted to start something in the pool that day...

It really isn't a trip until I french kiss a cow

Straight outta Cornwall!

Where everyone gets crabs and then has to see Doc Martin in Port Isaac

Catching the ferry to Padstow

Druid Goats - they're real.

So.... Ken zoomed in on this photo after he took it and we are about 90% sure it is Prince Harry. And as off the wall as that sounds, you need to realize that the reason Ken took this photo was that this beach stop was pretty much deserted except for a few guys "having coffee" across the street and this "surfer" running down to catch some waves. It was so casual and yet, so out of place. Plus dude is a hot bearded ginger with a board so it HAS to be royalty!